Autohypnotic

I’m dubious that men have even the slightest idea what they’re talking about when they say “no makeup.” Most guys I’ve dated couldn’t explain the difference between a skirt and a dress, so forgive me if I am hesitant to believe they fully grasp the uses and appearance of various cosmetics. In fact, I hypothesize that they actually don’t know the difference between no makeup and natural-looking makeup.

Which is why these same dudes who prefer us make-up free can turn around and drool over the world’s most beautiful models and actresses, not one of whom they’ve ever seen with a bare face.

And in the end that’s what really, really pisses me off about the whole thing — that we can read about how men don’t like us to wear makeup on page 39, then turn to page 40 and see photos of gorgeous models who spent hours in the makeup chair or ads for the very same cosmetics we don’t need.

It’s the disconnect of being trained since birth to look a certain way, only to have dudes turn around and go, “Don’t you know we hate all that stuff on your face?” Like it was our idea! Like women collectively woke up one day and thought, “Wouldn’t it be awesome to slap a bunch of chemicals and dyes on our faces every morning from now on?